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In This Middle Space

I have been struggling with recovery from having my wisdom teeth removed. I didn’t expect that I would bounce back like my son when he had his out at 15yo and was eating a cheeseburger in 3 days, but I did not also anticipate my lengthy recovery.

Even as I sit and write this, I am still sore and uncomfortable and not completely healed.

It’s like this “middle space” I seem to be in.

In this middle space, I feel ready to take on something new. I just don’t know what it is. What is it Lord?

In this middle space, I believe there is true and right love for me. I just don’t think I’ve met him yet. Who is he Lord?

In this middle space, I am fearful of taking a step because I’m unsure how to be clear that it’s your voice I’m hearing. What are you whispering to me Lord?

In this middle space, I am wanting to see glimpses of the meaningful work you have been preparing me for in all of my work and experiences over the years. There is meaningful work and purpose for me, isn’t there Lord?

In this middle space, I am desperate to parent my child up close and tight, though he needs a bit more space than I’d like to give him. Is he listening to you Lord?

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As I recover, I see a parallel in preparing for what comes next. For what God has to deliver. For my waiting period.

So, in this middle space, I’m cleaning our apartment, cooking dinner, attending small groups with women at church, finding ways to serve others, reading, checking in with my son about his day and life, the matters of his heart. I’m journaling and praying and reading. Trying to love and support my friends and really trying to recover. From carrying the baggage, the hurt, wrestling with the lies and deception from the enemy. Attempting to be joy-filled and grateful for so many blessings.

All while keeping my eyes open, my heart open, my life open to whatever is next.

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I’ve not been fully obedient to Your Word while waiting for what comes next yet there has been repentance and I know that I am forgiven. Please give me the strength and courage to wait for You, like this, in this middle space.

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